Married for three months and this is what I’ve learned. (Part 1)

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I’m just a few day shy of three months of being married and I’m going to break this down very simply for you reading this. I’ll start at the end and then I will explain. If you want to be married, stay married and live the fullest joy in your marriage then these are three things that are necessary to make that life possible. You must submit, resist and give. 

If you’re like any normal human being, then you’re really confused right about now, but allow me to explain. Although, I am a 29 year old man who has only been married for just about three months, you must remove the notion that “to learn from me” I had to have gone through many years of a treacherous marriage or need to have been endowed by the gods’ to provide you with nugget of wisdom. Jesus was never married yet gave the best marriage advise. Get over yourself. 🙂

Instructions: These three areas in a romantic relationship (or any relationship really) need to be exercised by both husband and wife, both male and female counterparts.

Just like you, I grew up in a world saturated by all types of teachings concerning dating, mating and relating. Although there is much content to be consumed the problem isn’t the content. The problem is the consumption, the digestion, the retention and the release of the knowledge into your life. Allow me to be transparent: those teachings, reading and workshops are phenomenal. As created beings we were fashioned to live full lives in holy matrimony with God and with man.

Not living in relational goodness is frankly not what God has intended for our lives.

Number One: Submit

Submitting isn’t hard, getting over your pride is. Let that sink. I’ve heard many reference Ephesians 5:22,25 which say “Wives, submit to your husbands” and “Husbands, love your wives” and people place all of their cards on that verse yet they forget, or worse, have never read the verse just before, Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. It’s harder to submit to your wife when all we know is that as a man, you love your wife, and as a women, you submit to your husband. We, who only think in that manner, are gravely mistaken.

I’ve found it easier and easier to submit to my wife in the two years that we have known each other and even more so in the 3 months that we’ve been married. I see her clear love for God and her compassion towards people. These characteristics allow me to trust that she has the best intentions for my life. Trust has to be created and maintained. Although there is built up trust in my relationship with my wife, it hasn’t come without its share of having to confront our insecurity. Friends, my wife is not God, but God has used her powerfully to heal the insecure parts of my heart and my soul. That is your portion, if you so choose.

“Trust is given, but mistrust is earned.” – @craiggroeschel Click To Tweet

When you submit to your spouse, you enter into a new level of relationship, in which deep and lasting intimacy can be produced. The day I got married I spoke over my wife the vow which contained the mission and purpose of our union. Submission, is submitting to the mission. What is the mission of your marriage?

In a nutshell

I’ll put it simply my life’s mission is “to be an extravagant worshipper of God, a God fearing husband and father and an equipped anointed deliverer of people.” The moment my life stops producing that, I must reevaluate.

When I say reevaluate, I mean truly to evaluate again and again and even evaluate differently, if need be. In evaluating and reprioritizing I must bring in my wife, my children, my pastor, my mentors and my close circle for accountability and leadership. Anyone in authority is under authority.

It’s hard to walk in submission to one another, when you have no clear mission. Find your “mission” and the rest will be a piece of cake.

The Practical

  • Submit to each other
  • Evaluate your mission in relationship
  • Adjust what needs adjustments
  • Live long and carry on.

Other Resources:
Single Ready to Mingle: Book
Single Ready to Mingle: Video Study Guide


Johanan Nunez
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