What is the role of a wife in a Biblical marriage? Why did the Lord create a woman and how did she come about? The traditional role of a wife is trending recently as women are rising up to speak about their experience and how it is not ‘bad’ as the culture is trying to label it.
This is different from women in the marketplace, school, in business. We are dealing specifically with marriage. If you are single, pay attention so you can understand the roles of a woman in marriage.
One of the biggest things people fight about in marriages is these unconscious rules that exist, which people bring into a relationship that does not conform to the Scripture.
1. A Wife Is A Partner Who Rules Over Creation
What I did not say is that a wife is a partner to rule over her husband. Nor did I say that the wife is to be ruled by her husband.
Genesis 1:27-28, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
In the beginning, our God created distinctions between males and females. Culture today tries to wash and blur the lines. There is a current transgender ideology that says you can transition from a male to a female or a female to a male. I do respect the struggle teenagers can encounter called gender dysphoria. A lot of teenagers and adults struggle with their identities. Some fall into that and instead of the culture helping teenagers to navigate that struggle, they teach them to yield to it and provide puberty blocker drugs and surgeries for them to cave into these struggles.
The Bible teaches us that Christians are transformed by the renewing of their mind. Gender dysphoria is when you don’t feel that you are in your mind the gender your body biologically gave you at birth. As a Christian, you go to Christ and His Word and God helps us to change our minds, not our genders. Culture is ready to mutilate body parts that are actually functioning well because of mental confusion. The Scripture says let’s work with our mind, will, and emotions and bring them into God’s kingdom. It is completely different.
God Blesses Your Gender
The Bible says God blessed them. God blesses your given gender. As Christians, we believe gender is not something you choose. God created you and designed you this way. You might say you don’t like it like that but we submit to God. Then God told them to be fruitful and multiply. Being fruitful doesn’t mean tending a garden or growing trees. God literally told husbands and wives to have sex and produce children. Multiply means more than just replacing them if they should die but increasing in number.
I find it interesting that after God created everything, He created one human being. Makes another human being out of that human being and then commands them to produce more human beings until they fill the earth. Take note of the command to have dominion. God did not say they should exercise dominion over each other but that husband and wife are partners with each other to have dominion over God’s creation.
The earth is not overpopulated. Heaven certainly isn’t overpopulated and God wants us to have children. Children are a gift from God. The culture kills children and discards them but God loves children.
When Woman Was Made
Genesis 2:22, “Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man”.
“Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him.”Matthew Henry
2. A Wife Is A Helper To Her Husband
This is not a diminishing role. God created a wife to help her husband because the husband simply needs help. Every husband needs help in some areas and wives should not disregard this or themselves thinking they are just a helper. It is a very serious role. Men need to submit to this God-given role and allow their wives to help them. Don’t be stubborn or act so macho you don’t need help.
Genesis 2:20, “So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him”.
The word “helper” in Hebrew is “ezer”, meaning a person who provides needed help and assistance. This word is used 21 times in the Old Testament, and 16 of those times refer to God. That’s where the phrase the Lord is my Helper comes from, (Psalm 27:1). The role of a wife is really the role God took in the Old Testament to help His people.
The idea that you are going to live only for his happiness; he has a purpose, and you have no purpose; your only purpose is to help your husband is completely false and not from God. Your husband needs help. God has filled you with gifts and abilities to contribute to his success and him as a person. This helps us as husbands to realize that we need help.
Differences Are Important
It is often difficult for a man to receive help from a woman and a woman to receive help from a man because the areas we need help are in the areas of our differences. Those are the areas we are usually opposite in. Typically, we end up arguing because we don’t want to accept that help. We want to prove that we don’t need help in that area. Our differences are meant to complement each other as spouses, not bring conflict.
At the beginning of a relationship, opposites attract. However, later on, opposites tend to attack each other because of their differences. There is a process of learning that those differences are not there to separate you but to complement you. If we are humble enough to learn that and embrace how to complement each other with our differences, it will take your marriage to another level.
3. A Wife Is The Crown Of Her Husband
The husband is the head but the wife is the crown, not the neck. Culture says wives are the neck and many women take pride in this. That indicates control because the neck controls where the head goes. The Bible does not give wives the role of a neck but of a crown on the head. The Scripture elevates wives higher than the culture does. A crown is a place of honor, glory, and recognition. Wives, do not stoop down to the culture’s point of view.
Proverbs 12:4, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
The word “excellent” or “virtuous” in Hebrew is “ha-yil” which means “valor”. This word is normally used in military settings of a man or army that is strong and mighty in battle. The wording of the proverb is very strong and it implies that the wife is either a crown or cancer to her husband.
Cancerous Marital Behaviors
- Chronic criticism is cancer to the life of marriage.
- Making fun of him.
- Comparing him to other men.
- Disrespecting him publicly.
- Belittling him in front of the kids.
- Shaming him for not being spiritual enough.
- Always lecturing and nagging at him.
- Complaining and being negative.
- Controlling and manipulating with tears.
- Withholding sex.
Wives, when you withhold sex from your husband, you are making him feel humiliated on the inside. He might not show you but that crushes your husband’s inner being. That is how serious it is. We are not advocating abuse in any way and we will address the role of the husband next week but we want women and wives to understand the incredible power they have.
Eve influenced her husband Adam to bluntly disobey God and he followed her. Abigail influenced David not to commit bloodshed. David was about to go and kill a whole family in revenge but Abigail’s wise words and approach changed David’s mind and kept him from making a terrible mistake. She didn’t start blaming him, accusing him or shouting at him. She used wise words from God.
1 Samuel 25:32-33, “Then David said to Abigail: “Blessed is the LORD God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! And blessed is your advice and blessed are you, because you have kept me this day from coming to bloodshed and from avenging myself with my own hand”.
Wives, if your husband is in the wrong you can guide him into the right but not by criticizing, shaming, belittling, or embarrassing him. When we do that, we actually partner with the devil to destroy our marriage.
How do you go about it if your spouse is unbelieving?
1 Peter 3:1, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives”.
Some of the women this verse was written to had unbelieving husbands who didn’t come to church with them during the early church period.
A common question people in this position ask is how can I get my husband to love Jesus? Peter doesn’t say just anoint the house with extra virgin olive oil. I do not deny that if he is not a Christian, he needs deliverance but how you get him to the point where he will come for deliverance is first, don’t leave your husband because he is not a Christian. Secondly, stop lecturing him. After you have told him about Jesus and your testimony, then with your conduct, you can win your husband.
A husband is usually not an idiot. When he sees his wife transformed after an encounter with Jesus, even if he doesn’t accept it himself, be different and be honoring. When he is wrong, be loving and prayerful. That changes people and will transform them, according to Apostle Peter. Not every marriage will be changed by this but I believe more marriages could benefit if we wives will stop being rottenness in the bones and become the crown we are called to be.
A Wife Who Works With God
“It is your job to love your husband. It is God’s job to make him good”Ruth Graham
You might ask how the wife’s conduct can change the husband. The answer is that the primary need of a man is to be honored and respected. If you don’t give that to him, it is very hard for him to function as a man. Wives, your weapon to win your husband to the Lord is your conduct.
As a wife, you can respect without even saying a word and a husband will feel it. As women need security and love, this is how men need honor and respect. The reason you honor your husband is not that he is always an honorable man, it is because you are an honorable woman. We must learn to be godly wives and godly women.
4. A Wife Is To Submit To Her Husband
This is hard for a lot of people to hear who accept the modern culture. Modern culture does not honor submission. Humans are rebellious by nature after the fall. The idea of submitting sounds frightening and belittling.
The Bible doesn’t teach women to submit to men but wives to submit to husbands. This is specifically for the family unit, not in the marketplace.
1 Peter 3:1, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.”
Ephesians 5:22-24, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything”.
The word “submission” from the Greek “hypotasso” means to place or arrange under. Often used as a military term meaning to place oneself under the command of a leader. It was presented as something that’s a voluntary attitude of cooperating with and putting trust in an authority figure. Submission is not something that a husband can demand from a wife. The moment you have to tell your wife to submit to you, you are wrong. It is Christ who commands that submission. It is to be given voluntarily by the wife.
Example Of The Holy Trinity
We see this example in the Holy Trinity in that while they are equal to each other, they submit to each other. Jesus submits to the Father and the Holy Spirit glorifies Jesus. This same order is commanded in the family. God gives us a chain of command, not to belittle us but to imitate Him. Heaven’s chain of command is from the Father, through the Son, by the Spirit. This is how we can function properly while remaining in unity, love, and equality. Follow the example of the Trinity.
Some say we don’t need a head in marriage. Anything without a head is a dead corpse. Others might say, we have two heads in our marriage. Anything with two heads is a monster. We need a head and the Bible makes it very clear who the head is. It is not the person who is smarter or more educated. God set these rules in relationships, not to limit and control us but to empower both women and men to be equal partners with a chain of command to live in a perfect community. We don’t know better than God. Marriages fall apart when we don’t submit to God’s original design for it.
Submission With Respect
“Shared submission does not imply an inferiority of a person but only subordination in rank. As a person, you will be no more inferior to your husband than a citizen is to their government or Christ is to God. Yer the citizen is subordinate in rank to the governor. Christ was in His humanity subordinate to God. A wife who obeys without respect is not in submission. The church’s reverence for Christ is our pattern. You may not agree with the decision in his position as the head, but the mother who enforces her husband’s rules and disciplines but lets her children know that she does not agree with her husband is not respecting her husband before her children.”Martha Montgomery
Submission doesn’t make a wife less than her husband, otherwise, Jesus wouldn’t be fully God because He submitted to the Father, (John 10:30; Matthew 26:42). I believe every husband carries greater responsibility before God and God will judge him more severely. Remember when Eve ate the forbidden fruit and gave it to Adam, who did God go to first? The husband. What did the husband do? Adam tried to shift the responsibility instead of taking responsibility. I believe God is going to hold every man responsible for his family. Every father who left their children, or abused their wives and families will face severe judgment from God.
A Christian Loves God And The Truth
Being a Christian doesn’t mean that you are hateful. It means that you love God and His truth but you also understand that sometimes that truth stands in contrast with culture. The Bible clearly states that human life has value. In our culture, life doesn’t have value. Culture is protecting dolphins while killing babies. So we cannot just embrace the culture. Some of God’s truths are hard or can even be painful at times. It might not make you feel good all the time but God is more interested in your future than in your immediate happiness. We must not conform to the culture but conform to the Scripture. As Christians, we’re not called to do what’s easy, we’re called to do what’s right.
5. A Wife Is A Builder Of A Home
A wise woman builds her house, not just her career. This is the ideal situation. I know there are a lot of single parents who have no other choice but to work.
Effect On Children Being Raised By Stay-at-home Parents
– increase in the child’s school performance
– the child has less stress and aggression
– parent feels greater involvement in the child’s day-to-day life
– parent feels good about the choice to stay home when they see the value in their child’s life.
– have less stress about the job
I am talking about women who can afford to stay home to raise the children and whose husbands encourage this. Some women feel pressured by the culture to compete and strive in the marketplace. However, if you can, it is absolutely worth it to invest your time into raising your children.
Titus 2:4-5 (NIV), “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God”.
Wife Comparisons Of The Bible And Culture
The Bible teaches young wives to love their husbands. The culture teaches that wives don’t need a husband. The Bible says to love your children. The culture says my body, my choice: abort the children. The Bible encourages self-control. Culture says to be wild. The Bible tells us to be pure. Culture advocates sexual autonomy. The Bible instructs us to build our homes. Culture says we have to get out of the bondage of homemaking. The Bible says to be kind. Culture says to be mean, rude, and bitter. The Bible teaches us to submit to our husbands. Culture tells us to rebel against authority.
A 2018 study conducted by Welch found working moms clock an average of 98 hours per week. That’s about the same as working 2.5 full-time jobs. Husbands, you might not be able to pay your wives that kind of salary but please say thank you and appreciate your wives.
Proverbs 14:1, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands”.
God wants us to build our homes and raise godly families. If you are a single parent, we at Hungry Generation want you to know that we are praying for you and standing in the gap with you. We want you to believe that God will send you a good husband. We love you and we thank you for making this contribution to your children and family. God will bless you.
Sermon By Vladimir And Lana Savchuk; Blog By Edward Gardiner