I am going to look at five roles that every Biblical husband ought to adhere to.

1. A Husband Is A Leader

1 Corinthians 11:3, “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” 

A biblical husband is a leader, not a lord. He is a builder of his family, not a bully. A leader is not a lord. A leader is not a dominating, abusive, bullying, aggressive, angry, diminishing man. Jesus exemplified what Biblical leadership looks like; it is servant leadership.

To Be Leaders Husbands Must:

1. Be proactive. 
2. Pursue God.
3. Pastor his home. 
4. Be a protector. 

Men are to step out and initiate things. Be proactive, don’t be passive. When Adam and Eve committed sin in the garden, God asked Adam, “Where are you?” God did not ask Eve first because God expects men to carry leadership responsibilities (Genesis 3:9).

A man cannot be a good leader if he is not first a good follower of the Holy Spirit. You cannot lead your home if you are not led by the Lord. That means that it is every man’s job to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. Your manual is the Bible.

The Priest Of The Home

To be a pastor or priest in your home, the first thing it means is to bring your family to church on Sundays. You should take the decision. You can choose to bring your family to church on Sunday – you don’t ask your children what they want to do on Sunday. The second thing the pastor of the home has to do is live out the Christian faith in front of his wife and children. Don’t just bring your family to church but bring faith to your family. Whether it is once a day or a week, establish family devotions. If any of your family members has a problem, they know they can run to the pastor of the house first. When they come to you, call on your Shepherd Jesus Christ before you call on your church pastor or life group leader.

The Protector

God created men to be physically stronger than women so that they can protect their families. God did not give you muscle so you can raise your hand against your wife and children. You are not a bully; you are a builder. You are not a lord; you are a leader. Jesus does not abuse His church, and neither should men abuse their wives (Ephesians 5:25). There is no room for dominating, ruling, controlling, or suppressing a daughter of God in a godly marriage. As a servant leader, you should serve your spouse and protect your family.

Raising your voice is not acceptable in marriage. Usually, when men raise their voices, it is because they have already lost an argument. It is better to improve your argument than to raise your voice.

2. A Husband Is A Laborer

Genesis 2:15, “Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.” 

This took place before the fall. God put the man to work in the Garden and ordained a 6-day work week. I am not saying a 5-day work week is bad, it is just not Biblical. God did not create you to have vacations on earth. He created you to create, to make things. When we go to Heaven, we are not going on holiday but to rule, reign and manage things with Christ. God is not idle. Jesus said My Father is working and I am working (John 5:27). Our God works and He created us to work.

1 Timothy 5:8, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 

In the 1950s in the United States, 1 in 50 men aged 25-54 did not want to work. Today, that statistic is 1 in 9. That equates to over 7 million men in the United States today. They are physically able but rely on government welfare or somebody else to provide for them. They are not men but grown-up boys. Boys are provided for by their mothers. Men provide for themselves. Grown-up or mature men provide for themselves, their wives, and their children. 

I Can’t Work, I’m Called To Ministry

We have a pandemic of lazy men. Some of these men over-spiritualize things saying that God has called them into ministry. Therefore, they cannot work. Living by faith doesn’t mean not working. Don’t forget that our Savior Jesus Christ spent most of His adult life working and doing manual labor. Stop saying I am not going to work and want God to provide for me because He called me into ministry. If you have a family, that is your ministry; you need to provide for them. 

Dreamers Not Workers

Another set of lazy men is not so spiritual but has more dreams than Dr. Martin Luther King. They sit and dream up ideas that won’t work. Then they push their wives to work hard to finance their idea, which was dumb from the beginning. This type of men are often people who had no father figure in their lives to bring discipline and were over-mothered and pampered. 

You Cannot Be Anything

This is a lie. You cannot be anything you want. You cannot be a bird; you are a human being. Most children will not grow up to be celebrity athletes or presidents. We need to stop lying to our children and start building their character and work ethic so that they can become something in this world – not anything. Dreams don’t pay bills, diligent work does. Businesses do not work if you don’t. You cannot sit on a couch and dream your business into work. You have to work and make things happen.

If you want to have a side hustle that is brilliant. Get a full-time job to take care of your family. Then on your days or time off, you can start learning the other job. Do not quit your full-time job until the side hustle covers the income that your full-time job provided. Do not strain your family or abandon your role as a laborer and provider. It is not pleasing to God and the Bible says it makes you worse than an unbeliever.

No Work Is Waste

Proverbs 14:23, “In all labor, there is profit. But idle chatter leads only to poverty.”

There is no profit in just dreaming, or playing golf and video games. There is profit in work. Waiting for years to get a job because you are too proud, entitled, and too mothered is not good. We need to labor. If you want to be a prosperous man, learn to work. As you work, one day you will get a better job and can run your own company. 

The problem with young people today is they get so overwhelmed by work. Their mental health is not stable because they are finally forced to work an 8-hour job. Men, we are better than that. We are stronger than that. Disconnect from TikTok and social media, read the Bible, and work. When you start to work and do it well, a lot of your other issues will be taken care of.

Look at the case of Joseph. Joseph entered Potiphar’s house to work. When Potiphar’s wife was tempting him, he had no time for her. But when David came out of his room after sleeping all day, instead of going to war, he could not resist the lady he saw. Men who are working hard and applying themselves to their business are men who are more likely to overcome temptation. 

Some men argue that in some countries unemployment pays better than working. There is no scripture in the Bible that supports this kind of lifestyle. You might need to go on benefits for a season or some months but not for years. It doesn’t matter if welfare pays better; God calls you to work hard and apply yourself. I challenge all the boys to grow up and become men. I challenge men to become mature men by providing for their families.

3. A Husband Is Loyal 

Matthew 5:28, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” 

The General Social Survey said that 20% of men in marriage cheat and that men are 54% more likely to cheat than women. I wish this general cultural statistic would only apply to men who are not Christians. A lot of Christian men still carry generational cycles of unfaithfulness from their ancestors which need to be broken in the name of Jesus Christ for them to be loyal. 

Keys To Staying Loyal

You have to stop allowing flirting to happen to you. 

Men cannot walk in purity if they don’t stop tolerating flirting from women the devil sent to assassinate their marriage. This is not in any way disrespectful to women because men are as guilty as women. Where men are guilty most of the time is in tolerating flirtation at work, online, keeping dating profiles active, sliding into DM’s, and texting people they have no business texting. The devil is out to destroy your marriage and everything starts with flirtation.

The grass is not greener on the other side. 

Dismiss the lie that the grass is greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it. If you don’t water your own marriage, you are responsible for why everything is dry and parched, not your spouse. We have to water our own marriage. 

You must understand the principle of 80:20. As perfect as your wife is, she can only meet 80% of your needs. The most perfect wife can only meet 80% of her husband’s needs. The remaining 20% is enough for the devil to use to torment and tempt you unless you submit it to God to transform you. What happens, especially when life gets busier and your children are growing up, is the devil will bring somebody into your life who will fill in the 20% your spouse is missing. He will paint this beautiful Hollywood fantasy that your life would be better if you leave the 80% you have with your wife for the 20% you want. Men that fall for this deception soon discover that no perfect woman would ever date a married man. You are destroying your own moral code and foundation. 

You can have a new marriage with the same spouse if you change your attitude and how they treat your spouse. This is why it is important to water the garden that you are in instead of fantasizing about somebody else’s lawn.

Don’t hang out with the opposite sex alone. 

Even if you are in management, you can go over things with people in a public setting where other people are present. The moment you start to spend time alone with the opposite sex as a married man or woman, you are stepping on dangerous territory. 

Avoid talking about your personal life with the opposite sex. 

Similarly, we must avoid this trap of the devil. The moment you open up your personal life to a person of the opposite sex, you are inviting them to be intimate with you emotionally. It might start slowly but this leads to other intimacies. This does not mean that we are constantly blocking out the opposite sex but your personal life should not be exposed to someone you don’t want to have a bond with. When you are struggling in your marriage, you don’t want to make bonds with other people. 

Keep a fire in your fireplace. 

The best way to avoid emotional or physical intimacy with someone else is to keep the romance – keep the fire in your own fireplace. Keep your marriage healthy. 

4. A Husband Is A Learner 

1 Peter 3:7, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” 

This verse is loaded with revelation for men. If we don’t fulfill the petitions of our wives, it could hinder our prayers from being answered. The Bible says here that the wife is the weaker vessel, not the weak vessel. If it said the wife is the weak vessel, it means the man would be the strong vessel. This means that man is weak but the wife is weaker. Weaker in which regard?

“The word is not weaker in the sense of less than but the work weaker there, has to do with the way you handle highly valued material… you don’t treat fine china like paper plates because they break easier. The reason you handle fine china plates carefully is because of how much you value them. A husband should value his wife like fine china.”

Dr. Tony Evans 

Husband’s Learn Your Wives

Dwell with understanding with your wife means you have to figure your wife out. In the simplest of terms, understanding your wife comes down to this: If you know what bothers her, don’t do it; if you know what she likes, do it. 

Many men struggle when it comes to understanding women. Their brains are wired differently. Men are more logical, women are more emotionally connected. Here are some differences:

• Women love processes, men love goals.
• Women love romance, men love sex.
• When processing things, women need sensitivity, men want space.
• When stressed, women become overwhelmed and emotionally involved, while men become focused and withdrawn.
• Women feel better by talking about the problem, men prefer solving it.

Notice that the Bible doesn’t instruct women to dwell with their husbands with understanding; it instructs husbands. This means we as husbands have a greater responsibility to understand our wives and meet them at the point of their needs. This is how to honor our wives.

5. A Husband Is A Lover 

Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”

Five Ways To Make Your Wife Feel Loved: 

1. Buy her flowers and gifts (or let her buy gifts herself). 

2. Spend time with her.

3. Do house chores. 

4. Physically touch her without initiating sex. 

5. Compliment her. 

Let me explain further. Any love that does not involve giving is not Biblical. It doesn’t have to always or only be flowers; it is the thought that counts. Often a cash gift is the best option to avoid misunderstandings or disappointment when the gift you bought is inevitably in the wrong color or size. 

When I say spend time with your wife, I do not mean while both of you are watching a movie together.  How a man feels he has spent time with his wife is through shared activity. The way wives feel connected to their husbands is not through doing a shared activity but a wife needs uninterrupted quality time where her husband asks her the following questions:

1. How was your day?
2. If your wife says it was fine, delve deeper. Can you unpack that thought for me?
3. How did that make you feel?
4. Really? Why did that make you feel like that?

Keep going like this and in about 10-15 minutes, she will feel all the burdens of the day have lifted off, the stress is gone and she will feel you have listened to her and understood her. Actually engage with her in conversation, not texting and scrolling while you talk to her. It is one of the hardest things for a man to do but it is one of the most powerful things a wife needs her husband to do. 

Do chores for your wife even if her love language is not acts of service. Serve your spouse even with simple things as a husband. It makes your wife feel more loved. 

Feeling Loved Versus Being Loved

Husbands have difficulty understanding the difference between feeling loved and being loved. We know in our hearts that we love our wives. If we didn’t we wouldn’t be with them. We believe that the fact we are with them is a sign that we love them. When we got married, we told them we love them and if we had changed our minds, we would have notified them. The woman does not know she is loved unless she feels she is loved and her feeling loved seems to fluctuate on a 24-hour basis. As the Bible says new every morning is God’s mercy, so your reminder has to be for your wife that you love her.

This physical touch is a non-sexual public display of your love for your wife. It can be as simple as holding her hand or opening a door for her in public. In our culture today, that is no longer celebrated but we want to raise godly men and godly gentlemen who will honor and love their wives publicly. This is important not only to build your marriage but to build your children’s view of how marriage should be and how they should show affection publicly for their spouses. 

Complimenting Your Wife

Every wife wants to feel beautiful and loves to look good, especially for their husband. The hard part for men is to give them compliments when they do. Complimenting your wife is not just about saying good. Love your wife by being generous with your vocabulary and complimenting her in a more detailed and expressive way. Remember, she needs to feel that she is loved.

Jesus washes the Church with the Word, (Ephesians 5:26). Do the same for your wife and she will be nourished and nurtured. A wife will only bloom in the garden her husband waters for her. Raise your wife’s value in your own eyes. Don’t wait for her to change her appearance. Sow into your wife. Bless her, nourish her, and she will flourish and bloom in the garden of your marriage as your wife, a mother, and a daughter of God. The Bible tells husbands not to react to how their wife treats them but to love them how Christ loves them.

Sermon By Vladimir Savchuk; Blog By Edward Gardiner

Watch The Full Sermon Here: