Family Feud

Bryson Still Blog 2 Comments

Inevitably, we all have conflicts. Proverbs 27:17 says as iron sharpens iron so does a brother. It is natural that there will be some tension and rubbing but the problem comes when rubbing turns into stabbing.

Much of the arguing we do has little to do with the real issue, until we have a family argument and it goes straight to the heart. If these family problems are not dealt with properly, they can go from internalised emotional tensions to becoming our beliefs about our family members.

I believe it is God’s intention to bring hope to relationships that we feel have become lost causes and help us focus on how we can bring resolution. Click To Tweet

The core value we need to have in our mind when we enter any conflict with a family member is humility. Humility is the heart posture of love and honor. Humility requires vulnerability.

Jesus is the ultimate example for everything in life. In Matthew 11:29, He says of Himself that He is gentle and lowly in heart. This is what allowed Jesus to take on other people’s burdens and rest to their souls.

Take a moment to reflect on how you handled your previous family arguments. Were you lowly in heart or high and lofty having a point to prove? Did you just have to win the argument? Jesus was humble and He was able to bear the burdens of others souls. We need to do this in our families.

Some may feel like a particular person has gone too far but remember Jesus was willing to die on the cross for us, knowing full well that most of us would still continue to hurt Him. He did it anyway. Jesus humbled Himself even though He was the One who was right. Be like Jesus. Be the first to be humble. Be the first to be vulnerable even if that means you might get hurt.

If we want to have reconciliation, we have to have humility and vulnerability. Click To Tweet

The second part of the framework for resolution is the value of the relationship itself.

John 3:10-16 shows how God relentlessly pursued an eternal relationship with us through sacrificial love. The way we express value for the relationships in our family is by treating people the way God treats us and thinking about them the way that God thinks about us.

Having value of a relationship means you are prepared to confront behaviors and situations that threaten the health of the relational connection in an honorable way.

Romans 14:19 encourages us to pursue how to communicate and bring value to one another, rather than focusing on an issue at hand.

With the framework for resolution set, we can go into some practical steps towards making it happen.

  1. Make a safe place for giving and receiving feedback, (Ephesians 4:25-32). The goal of exchanging feedback is to give each other good information about how we are affecting each other in an arena of truth.
  2. You have to tell people what you are thinking; even if you think they should already know it.
  3. Address how you are experiencing the person’s behavior, not what you think about their motives or character.
  4. Trust the other person to care about your feelings and needs, and be willing to adjust to protect the connection.
  5. When listening, try to identify the need or what is going on in their heart, more than the specific problem, (Proverbs 20:5).

When you listen, not to win an argument but to identify a need, solutions will take place.

When you choose to think about how people are experiencing you, rather than how angry you are at them, it opens the door of possibility to reconciliation and resolution. Click To Tweet

We need to have real conversations that address behaviors, not identities and persons.

Sermon by Bryson Still; Blog by Edward Gardiner

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  1. I remember sharing one time that my brother attacking me with a knife while i am doing the dishes,there was no current at that time and my brother is asking my mother to cook for sphaghetti for him,i am just silent doing the dishes,but when he is stubborn that my mother get irritated at him because she is too old to cook for him and tired and knowing that my brother will not ask me to do it for him,i talk to him but he started yelling at my mother and turn to me also that throwing bad words at me and start cursing me so i confronted by answering him gently and explaining to him but his mind is close to understand and even get a knife attacking me.So my mother was forced to cook,maybe we have a fault at him because since baby he suffered from epelipsy and everything he wants he gets,kind of spoiled but it is different now because our parents our old and he has no epelipsy after elementary years of his life,he is 40 years old and work as car wash boy but he is very lazy at home.That is why we move in here with my child so we can help my parents and help me also because my husband died as covid enters in our place last year of june,we are 5 here at home,we live upstairs but the three of them were kind of arguing a lot,it was my bro. and my parents,thats the time i joined the fasting because of them,for a while during my fasting was like they are silent,i am fasting but iam cooking their meal,i have to do it,but when i am in my 2nd week of fasting i stop cooking for them for the craving for food for me is stronger in my thoughts,i stayed upstairs,that stabbing was happen after the day i joined the friday fire for i joined the zoom that time and i stayed at the kitchen for my brother is not at home,he is at work,and that time i think i scared my mother during that livestream of friday fire doing that healing and casting out demon,they are catholic and they are not practicing it here.So she entered after the livestream but my father he is the one in the kitchen that time,my father is strong man but when it comes to disciplining us,as long as we are eating thats all important to him and kind of workaholic,that is how he raised us up and our youngest is very lazy at home so they are arguing a lot,me and my child want to move out but the burden of sharing Salvation of Jesus is much heavier after the fasting,i need Jesus just as they do need Jesus also,and the next day if i am not mistaken is Sunday Service,that was the time that Pastor Brandon message Rebellion to regrets and Confession leads to Restoration,that message brought me to Repentance again and God showed to me all from my childhood up to that time of Sunday Service,it is like i am watching in my mind all that was happening to me in my family,our family,and that heaviness inside my stomach is moving out that made me cry intensely on the wall and that time my eyes while commenting on the livestream i could not see what i am texting and i feel like want to scream but i couldnt because they are asleep,so i kneel and pray and stop texting and dont even realized that the zoom was in progress because that time Pastor Vlad he is asking to move on a zoom,i am trying to join the zoom but my eyes maybe because of intense crying,i couldnt the text font of instruction and in the morning checking on the cp,the zoom was in progress.And i dont see it that time i am trying to join the zoom.i thought i have surrendered everything to the Lord,and forgive them all,that my youngest brother is full of hatred in me and even envy me staying here with our parents so that time i release forgiveness on him and confess also to God.I feel heaviness inside my stomach was gone,i feel light inside me that time and not affected anymore by their arguing,even little things they argue,i feel like i am protected now with their very little arguing and my brother kind of quiet lately,and my struggle now is my left ovary has cyst and small cyst on my left cheek,i would like to believe that i am healed that friday fire but when i check on it the cyst is still here,my exzema on my right thumb on my finger nail,the itchiness was gone and the bad smell cause by exzema was also gone,i heard the prayer of Pastor Vlad of one of his livestream when he is praying twice he mentioned about the exzema,at first mention i ignore it because it was no big exzema can be cure but when he mentioned the 2nd time its like ringing on my ear so i claimed it bec.after doing the laundry it makes me irritated because of its itchiness on the sides of nail at my right thumb.That stream of Pastor Vlad if i am not mistaken was before the start of 21 day of fasting ended Jan.30.And i am thankful i joined that fasting,many are silence here.Thank you Jesus and thank you Holy Spirit.I am continually praying for them to be saved and now they are my ministry,happy serving them.Hoping and praying that they will see Jesus in me as i follow Him with humility and doing my part here.In Jesus name,amen.

    1. White cotton gloves and Vaseline on hands while you sleep will help clear up eczema. Wear plastic gloves while you clean to protect from chemicals.

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