Falsified Facts Mislead Marriages

As a couple we have not only navigated the waters of matrimony for 29 years but has also spent the last two decades engaging in social research to unravel the mysteries of successful relationships. Buckle up as we explore some of the insights we have gained from the scriptures, our research, and practical tools that can help your marriage thrive.

Big Picture Point 1: Hope for Marriage

We can often get sidetracked into looking at just a small view of what is actually happening in our marriages. Let’s look at three examples which will help you to see God’s big picture plan for the institution of marriage.

In Genesis 2, we witness the creation of marriage by God Himself. The Lord declares that it’s not good for man to be alone, and He fashions a helper just right for him. This act portrays the beauty of God presenting a son with his wife, emphasizing the great value God Himself places on the institution of marriage. The New Testament further highlights the significance of the marriage covenant as a reflection of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the church. This should give us hope for our marriages, the marriages of our children, friends and family.

Big Picture Point 2: The Truth about Marriages Today

It is time to debunk common myths about marriage, many of which are simply prevailing negative narratives. The notion that marriages are in perpetual trouble, divorces are on the rise, and that understanding the complexities of marriage requires a PhD in Psychotherapy with a minor in Mind-Reading is just unfair and simply untrue.

You may have heard the widespread belief that 50% of first marriages end in divorce, while 65% of second marriages also fail. This is completely false. There is no evidence to support either of these claims and both are extrapolated from projections rather than actual statistics. Contrary to common belief, over 71% of people remain married to their first spouse, with the 29% who don’t including those who died while married. So the rate could be even lower!

As for second marriages, the figure of 65% is usually derived from or cited from three sources, which do not actually exist! We searched extensively and found they are nothing but urban legends. On the contrary, our research has found that 65% is actually how many people remain married to their second spouse, not divorce them.

Big Picture Point 3: Practical Tools for Thriving Marriages

Over the 20 years of our extensive research and experience in this field, we have developed some practical tools for your marriages to thrive based on studies of what we call ‘very happy couples.’ Very happy couples were the top performing group of people in marriage according to our research. We discovered that they all had several things or tools in common that helped their marriages to thrive compared to other groups.

One of the most crucial elements is choosing to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions, even when you may be hurt. This shift in perspective develops trust, dispels negativity, and deeply roots the foundational belief that your spouse cares deeply for you.

You might have heard advice for couples not to keep scores on each other. While this is usually given in the negative context, we discovered that very happy couples did keeps scores but of the good things their spouses did. Keeping score differently—acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of your partner’s contributions rather than focusing on what’s lacking is an incredibly unifying and powerful tool.

The third tool is to attend church regularly. No matter what all demographers may say about the rates of divorce in first or second marriages, all of them agree on and know the truth that going to church as a couple reduces the rate of divorce in marriage by between 25-50%. According to a Harvard study, attending church reduces the divorce rate by 58% for couples!

Implications for Individuals and Couples

1. Challenge the Notion that Marriage is Inherently Hard: While marriage may require effort, it doesn’t mean it’s inherently complicated. We must understand that marriage can take hard work but is not inherently burdensome.
2. Embrace the Power of Perspective: Adopting a positive perspective can transform your relationship. Believe the best about your spouse’s intentions, recognizing that, in most cases, they deeply care about you. What you focus on is what you will see more of.
3. Keep Score Differently: Instead of tallying up what’s lacking in your relationship, actively notice and appreciate the positive contributions of your spouse. This fosters gratitude and a sense of mutual appreciation.
4. Spread the Good News: Become ambassadors for the good news not only of Jesus Christ but also of the inherent goodness and design of marriage. Share your positive experiences and challenges overcome to inspire others on their marital journey.

By understanding the scriptural foundation, challenging prevailing myths, and embracing practical tools, we can foster hope, dispel negativity, and contribute to the positive narrative surrounding the institution of marriage. There is a lot of good news about marriage but we just don’t often get to hear it. Remember, your marriage has the potential not just to survive but to thrive. So, let’s become ambassadors of the good news of the Gospel within the sacred bond of matrimony.

Watch The Full Sermon Here: