Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick; for she was a virgin. And it was improper for Amnon to do anything to her. 2 Samuel 13:2

King David had a son named Amnon; he was the oldest son and was born in Hebron. He was the heir apparent to the throne of Israel, but he made a deadly mistake that cost him his life. He never reached his destiny. I want to mention some practical advice on how to stay away from being unequally yoked. 

Amnon was a king’s son, born into the palace, having the potential to reign. I believe the same thing about you. You are royalty, made in God’s image, His masterpiece. You are in His kingdom. He has a calling and a destiny for you to fulfill. 

It takes purity to access our purpose and potential. Share on X

Amnon loved Tamar. He was about 22 years of age and Tamar was 15 years of age. Tamar also happened to be his half-sister. It was improper for Amnon to do anything to her. Marriage to a sister or half-sister was, and is, forbidden by the law of Moses (Reference Leviticus 18:11). Here was Amnon’s dilemma; he loved Tamar, but God’s law said it was wrong. His love was pretty strong; it made him distressed and sick. Sounds more like lust than love. His lust made him obsessive and put him on a self-destructive course in life. Little did he realize that his potential and life would soon be over. It takes purity to access our purpose and potential. Amnon learned that the hard way. 

Having feelings for someone you should not have them for is not the problem. Liking someone who doesn’t share your faith is not a sin. What you do with those feeling will determine if it’s a sin. Amnon’s mistake was not that he had infatuations, rather it was his choice to act on them that caused him to fall. Infatuation is a natural part of your biology, but you must submit it to your theology. Instead of talking to his dad who could have helped him to snap out of it, he shared his feelings with his crafty cousin, Jonadab, who neither rebuked him nor prayed for him. Instead, Jonadab devised a plan to lure an unsuspecting Tamar into Amnon’s bedroom. His crazy cousin told him to pretend to be ill so that he could draw sympathy. 

Infatuation is a natural part of your biology, but you must submit it to your theology. Share on X

Amnon lied to his dad and revealed his true feelings to his crazy cousin Jonadab. That’s where the problem started. If Amnon would have just told his father what was going on, David would have talked some sense into him. David would have reminded him that he was the next king and that God would send him a beautiful queen, and he just needed to wait and honor God’s law. Instead, Amnon told his feelings to someone who would support him in his disobedience to God. Single people who make mistakes in relationships usually do the same thing that Amnon did. They hide the truth from their parents and pastors and reveal their feelings to their friends who they know will support them. Those kinds of people are not true friends. Jonadab did not care about Amnon, because if he did, he would have advised Amnon to stay away from Tamar.

Bad friends are the devil’s agents who encourage you to make wrong decisions when it comes to relationships. Share on X

Jonadab’s advice was pretty slick: “Draw Tamar’s sympathy and isolate her.” That’s how lust operates. Once you start pursuing someone you have no business being with, lust will begin to give you clever ideas of how to get into their pants. Amnon had no intention of marriage, only of fornication. 

From the story Amnon, the king’s son, we see that lust:

1. Desires that which is forbidden 

2. Makes you sick

3. Makes you lie to mentors 

4. Causes you to reveal your true feeling to the wrong friends 

5. Seeks isolation

6. Forces sex

7. Does not last 

Lust is selfish; love is sacrificial. Lust seeks isolation; love seeks community. Lust forces sex; love initiates marriage. Lust hurts; love heals. Lust does not last; love grows with time. Lust gets punished; love gets rewarded Share on X

Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!” 2 Samuel 13:15

Amnon went from obsessive love to raging hate. Look how fast Amnon’s “love” turned into hate. Love does not do that, only lust does. He got what he wanted in the moment but did not want what he got later. This becomes the way of everyone who forsakes God’s principles and abandons purity in pursuit of their passions. 

Lust does not last. Share on X

Once you stray away from God’s principles and start dating those who don’t share your faith, you won’t be able to walk in purity. Purity is only available within the boundaries of God’s principles. Don’t let your passion dictate your actions. If God says “No,” it’s not because He wants to take away your fun. God is interested in taking away lust and protecting your destiny. Your purity protects you and protects the other person. 

To avoid being a prisoner of your passion, commit to God’s principles for dating. Wait for God’s time. If you have a crush on someone who is not following Jesus, bring those feelings to someone who can help you to get over them. Don’t let your “crush” crush your destiny.

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This comes from chapter 4 “Dating Monkeys”, “Single, Ready to Mingle”

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This blog was written by Vladimir Savchuk.

Pastor Vlad is the lead pastor of Hungry Generation Church, an author of “Break Free” and “Single, Ready to Mingle” and a founder of free online school “Vlad’s School.” To download free e-books, sermon series, small group study guides go to vladimirsavchuk.com